SCALP!
(parody of "Help!" by the Beatles)
by John Thorpe, a.k.a. SNAPMAN (snap_man@ix.netcom.com)

Scalp! I need some figures.
Scalp! Not just any figures.
Scalp! You know I need to hoard.
Scalp!
 
When I was thinner, so much thinner than today,
I never needed anything to scalp in any way.
And now these days are gone
No figure is obscured.
My behind, it blocks the line.
They've opened up the doors.
 
Scalp it if you can, don't mark it down,
'Cause there won't be any more to go around.
Scalp it by the dollar or the pound.
Won't you please, please scalp these?
 
And now my job has been to scalp so many ways.
I'm selling figures from a van during the day.
But every now and then, I feel so insecure.
I know some kid will buy a fig he's never seen before.
 
Scalp it if you can, don't mark it down,
'Cause there won't be any more to go around.
Scalp it by the dollar or the pound.
Won't you please, please scalp these?
 
When I was thinner, so much thinner than today,
I never needed anything to scalp in any way.
And now these days are gone
No figure is obscured.
My behind, it blocks the line.
They've opened up the doors.
 
Scalp it if you can, don't mark it down,
'Cause there won't be any more to go around.
Scalp it by the dollar or the pound.
Won't you please, please scalp these?
 
Scalp these, scalp these, oooh.