TURNING SCALPANESE
(parody of "Turning Japanese" by The Vapors)
by John Thorpe, a.k.a. SNAPMAN (snap_man@ix.netcom.com)

I've got a figure
Of Bespin Luke
It's .00
And shortpacked, too
I try to sell it 'cause there's nothing else to do
 
I've got Luke Jedi
His vest is brown
It's orange carded
Its saber's out
I overprice it when a buyer is around
 
I've got a figure, I've got a figure
I have a hundred of them all 'round my bed
I ask the stockboy to give me figures
So I can sell to you from the flea market
You've got me scalping up and scalping down and scalping in and scalping 'round
 
I'm turning Scalpanese I think I'm turning Scalpanese I really think so
Turning Scalpanese I think I'm turning Scalpanese I really think so
I'm turning Scalpanese I think I'm turning Scalpanese I really think so
Turning Scalpanese I think I'm turning Scalpanese I really think so
 
I've got a figure, I've got a figure
I have a hundred of them all 'round my bed
I ask the stockboy to give me figures
So I can sell to you from the flea market
You've got me scalping up and scalping down and scalping in and scalping 'round
 
I'm turning Scalpanese I think I'm turning Scalpanese I really think so
Turning Scalpanese I think I'm turning Scalpanese I really think so
I'm turning Scalpanese I think I'm turning Scalpanese I really think so
Turning Scalpanese I think I'm turning Scalpanese I really think so
 
No sex, no food, no soap, no water
No friends, no dough, no home, just figures on card
Everyone around me is a toy collector
Everyone avoids me like Hannibal Lecter
Everyone
 
That's why I'm turning Scalpanese I think I'm turning Scalpanese I really think so
Turning Scalpanese I think I'm turning Scalpanese I really think so
I'm turning Scalpanese I think I'm turning Scalpanese I really think so
Turning Scalpanese I think I'm turning Scalpanese I really think so
 
Turning Scalpanese I think I'm turning Scalpanese I really think so
Turning Scalpanese I think I'm turning Scalpanese I really think so
Turning Scalpanese I think I'm turning Scalpanese I really think so
(think so think so think so)
Turning Scalpanese I think I'm turning Scalpanese I really think so