SCALP THIS WAY
(parody of "Walk This Way" by Aerosmith)
by John Thorpe, a.k.a. SNAPMAN (snap_man@ix.netcom.com)

Toy store buyer always markin' prices higher
'Til I went to his toy shop, he say
He said, "You ain't sold nothin' 'til you're down the aisle huffin'
Then you're sure to be a-scalpin' for pay"
I met a toy hoarder, with some figs on order
Oh, the things that he grabbed from boys
'Cause the best things to scalpin' are the "people that you're helpin'"
And he started with a case of toys
Oh, boy!
 
Fingers grabbin' at the toys in the store
And your pants fallin' down to your legs
Yellin', "Hey Chicken Little"
With your figure at the bottom of your cart
As the child begs
So I made a big fuss at the Toys 'R' Us
With a stockboy who made minimum wage
It was toys I was buyin'
From the boy that I was bribin'
And I scalped toys that very day
Well, he taught me to
 
Scalp this way! Scalp this way!
Scalp this way! Scalp this way!
Scalp this way! Scalp this way!
Scalp this way! Scalp this way!
Just gimme your toys
Oh, boy!
 
Toy store huntin' in a K-Mart and a Wal-Mart
Nothing but figures warming the pegs
There were three old scalpers in the toy store stockroom
When I noticed they had cases of figs
I was a novice scalper, never went inside a stockroom
'Til those guys showed me boxes of toys
Then my next time scalping, in the stockroom got a helping
And I took a case of brand new toys
Oh, boy!
 
Fingers grabbin' at the toys in the store
And your pants fallin' down to your legs
Yellin', "Hey Chicken Little"
With your figure at the bottom of your cart
As the child begs
So I made a big fuss at the Toys 'R' Us
With a stockboy who made minimum wage
It was toys I was buyin'
From the boy that I was bribin'
Well, he taught me how to scalp this way
He taught me to
 
Scalp this way! Hoard this way
Scalp this way! Scalp this way!
Scalp this way! Scalp this way!
Scalp this way! Hoard this way
Just gimme your toys
Oh, boy!