SYMPATHY FOR THE SCALPER
(parody of "Sympathy for the Devil" by the Rolling Stones)
by Jeremy Moran (Jerro@webtv.net)

Please allow me to introduce myself
I'm a man of dubious taste
I've been around for a long, long year
Stole many a man's toys of late
 
I was 'round when baseball cards
Started to go down the drain
Made damn sure that no one
Found his toys at a retail rate
 
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name
But makin' money off you
Is the nature of my game
 
Hung around the Toys R Us
When I saw it was a time for a change
Bought the Star Wars action figures
While collectors searched in vain
 
I rode a van
That smelled kinda rank
When the toy craze raged
And the other hobbies sank
 
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name, oh yeah
Makin' money off you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah
 
I watched the gleam [Who, Who]
While the collecting pack
Looked for ten decades
For the toys Kenner made
 
They shouted out
"Why can't I find these?"
Cause after all
They'd been bought by me
 
Let me please introduce myself
I'm a man of dubious taste
And I laid tracks for collectors
Who gave up and just reached walked away
 
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name, oh yeah
But makin' money off you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah, get down, baby
 
Ma, oo
Oooa
 
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name, oh yeah
But makin' money off you
Is just the nature of my game
 
Just as every cop is a criminal
And all the sinners Saints
As I end this tale
Just call me Scalper
'Cause I'm in need of some restraint
 
So if you meet me
Have some courtesy
Have some sympathy, and some taste
Use all your well learned qualities
Or I'll lay your wallet to waste, um yeah
 
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name, um yeah
But making money off you
Is the nature of my game, um baby, get down
 
Woo, who
Oh yeah, get on down
Oh yeah
Oh yeah!
 
Tell me baby, what's my name
Tell me honey, baby guess my name
Tell me baby, what's my name
I tell you one time, your to blame
 
Ooo, who
Ooo, who
Ooo, who
Ooo, who, who
Ooo, who, who
Ooo, who, who
Ooo, who, who
Oh, yeah
 
What's my name
Tell me, baby, what's my name
Tell me, sweetie, what's my name
 
Ooo, who, who
Ooo, who, who
Ooo, who, who
Ooo, who, who
Ooo, who, who
Ooo, who, who
Ooo, who, who
Oh, yeah